I wanted to be Troy Dyer.
When I saw Before Sunrise the following year and when I saw that Ethan Hawke wrote a book and scribed a eulogy for Allen Ginsberg and used the word ‘dilettante’ I wanted to be Ethan Hawke. When I read that he hooked up and later married Uma Thurman I deemed him the coolest creature possessing a penis on this planted next to, of course, Johnny Depp, who was immortal chain smoker as well.
Who says the Youth of today aren't impressionable as shit.
I refused to fail.
One night after a meet I came home and the evening news (all AP students were required to watch the evening news) was agog with illuminated effigy's burning like bonfires from Seattle.
I continues to fail as an athlete. While busting my ass I continued to fall on it. I was writing more and more every day, mostly journals, but a few poems. The first poem I remember writing was a very DC Talk save-the-friable youth of today poem entitled ‘WOULD YOU LOSE A CONDOM WITH A CROSS ON IT?” I was again, prepping for a summer in Europe where I would see Holland and Germany and Paris as well as return to England. I was dancing in the show choir at Manual. I was running, dreaming of the proverbial next year being my year. I was still reading everything I could mustering my itchy little paws on. I had discovered Walt Whitman. When TS Eliot was blathering on about afternoons and coffee spoons and patients being etherized across a either a table or a spread out sky I thought he was blathering frilly poesy’s just to me. Somehow, almost overnight without my knowledge more of my friends started smoking. It was some time during that spring that I took my first drag, only I didn’t inhale for when I tried, I yakked like there was no tomorrow. no tomorrow, which, of course, felt like my future as an athlete at that time.
I was also trying to grow my hair long. When my father (who died 12 years ago t’day, God rest his soul!!!) told me that if I intended on growing my hair long I could not use the car I retorted why, reminding him that Jesus had long hair.
I just had to cross an ocean, first.